Der Himmel über Berlin

Hmm. I spent twenty minutes in my apartment last Saturday between returning from camp and heading off to Ireland. It was a rather frantic twenty minutes.

There are stinking clothes, schoolbooks, shoes and many other unpleasant things strewn everywhere. Looks like the room was literally lifted up, turned upside down and shook around for a bit.

Ich hab null Bock drauf.

I'm going to the pub to watch the footy.

My sister is off around the world in November, meaning that the Rampage Clan won't all be together for Christmas for the first time ever. My mother has always been adamant that the first year that one of us doesn't come home will be the first year that she will not be at home for Christmas either. Understandable, cooking and cleaning after my dad and uncle deserves a break sometime. Usually the return of the prodigal son and daughter is enough; this time it looks like it'll be her going on strike and leaving the country with the dad unwillingly in tow.

I just can't help feeling a little left out of all of this planning - I don't come home very often and Christmas, despite meaning nothing to me as a religious celebration, is always one of my high points of the year.

My mother gave me the following choices:
1. Have a Christmas at home without my sister - that would be miserable. Not even considering that one.

2. Go with my parents somewhere for Christmas - not considering that one either. I don't like travelling and I can only imagine doing it with my parents to be a unspeakably bad idea.

3. Go and catch up with my sister and her boyfriend in India for six weeks in Dec/Jan - the mother has offered to subsidise the trip for me. It seems like a nice idea, but the not liking travelling thing is an issue. Plus, I have never been outside Europe and the idea of it scares me (I shall tell y'all why in a forthcoming post. Keep your pants on).

4. This one is my own idea - hang out in Berlin for Christmas. Potential for being alone and miserable and sad: High.

When I consider Option 4, I can't help but remember an episode of Mr. Bean where he gets his head stuck up a turkey. That's the sort of misery I am picturing for myself if I stay in Berlin. Plus I can't cook for shit.

*checks flights to India*

Yesterday morning, I got on a bus at 1000.

I got off it at 1330 in Berlin and got on a train to my apartment.

I picked up my gear and got on another train, followed by another bus, arriving at the airport at 1530.

I got on a plane at 1630 and arrived in Dublin at 1730 (Irish time).

I slipped on a wet patch on the floor and fell and hurt my ankle.

I got on a bus at 1830 and arrived in Galway at 2230.

I met Brad and Rob and Kelly and Laura in Galway and threw back two Guinnesses in record time, the first of 2008.

We went back to Chez Gay, picking up a Chinese takeaway en route.

We drank lots of beer Chez Gay, and played cards.

I may or may not have bitten Kelly, and she and Laura may or may not have been farting and belching like champions in their respective fields.

We went to bed at 0400.

Some of us got up early today, some of us didn't.

We ate breakfast and played DS.

At 1535, I got on a bus from Tuam to Longford, where I would have five minutes to pick up my connection to Mullingar.

At 1725 (ten minutes late), I arrived in Longford. I asked the ticket lady where the Mullingar bus was. She replied "Shure how would I know that, I can't tell one bus from the other?"

Waited for next bus. Got home at 2000.

Roast dinner. Yum.

Tired now. Off to bed.

1000 this morning, the phone rings. It's an 'ex' (the term adds a seriousness to the affair that never really existed) from many months ago.

"Hi. Do you know where I could buy an air mattress?"

"Erm...no..."

*a few minutes of chatter*

"OK, bye".

Click.

-------------------------------------

1700 this afternoon, the phone rings again. It's a different 'ex' (see above) from a couple of months ago.

"Hi. My internet isn't working, what should I do?"

"Erm, call your provider?"

*a few minutes of chatter*

"OK, bye"

Click.

-------------------------------------

What the hell is going on? I know rainy Saturdays can make people do crazy things, but this is a bit much. This oddness was exacerbated by the fact that I spent the afternoon hanging out with a different ex (a real one this time, not the ex though) who I hadn't seen in ages. Why emerge simultaneously? And why today?

*hope the ex doesn't call, asking where to buy a purple elephant*

P.S. I realise that this post may have somehow made me seem like some sort of womanising Casanova. I can assue you, that regardless of how much I try, this is not the case.

This morning, as I was sitting having breakfast with my housemate, an American friend of mine called to make plans for tonight.

My housemate listened with interest as I blabbered on the phone for five minutes. She usually only ever hears me speaking German.

As soon as I finished the call, she burst out laughing.

Apparently my 'German voice' is much higher than my 'English voice'.

She then proceeded to repeatedly squeak 'I speak German like a girl' at me, while giggling like a maniac.

Sigh.

*jumps on*

1. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?
Allegedly.

2. How often do you wank?
Three or four times weekly. More if hungover.

3. Where do you wish you were right now?
Here's pretty OK.

4. Were you in love with the first person you slept with?
I tried to be, but it was doomed to failure.

5. Do you have any guilt inside of you?
I was raised Catholic. It was the main requirement.

6. Have you ever wished anyone dead, however brief?
Never.

7. Assuming you HAD to be, would you rather be a colour, smell or sound?
I would be the smell of meat cooking.

8. How and when do you imagine you are going to die?
For some reason, I think I'll be murdered during a mugging for being cheeky/stubborn to my attacker.

9. Do you think love is forever?
Certainly not.

10. What is your worst fear for your future?
I don't think about the future much, but I really fear the time when my parents are no longer around.

11. Do you LOVE anything about yourself? If so, what is it?
I like most things about myself. I'm not sure if I'm arrogant enough to tell you which parts I love though.

12. Would you lie if you KNEW you could never get caught?
I simply cannot lie, under any circumstance.

13. Could you have sex knowing someone could hear you?
For sure, I am in no position to turn down sex for whatever reason

14. What, if anything, do you do to make people do what you want?
Use the Irish charm, of course!

15. How many times, if any, have you lied answering these questions?
See no. 12

...to make an incredibly obvious comment.

My hometown has been in the news of late.

About a week ago, there were riots there. Yes, full-blown riots, with such delights as hatchets, petrol bombs, machetes and iron bars on display (hilariously, the local publication, the Westmeath Examiner, also lists 'a balaclava' as one of the fearsone weapons), with almost a hundred people participating in the fun. Most frightening of all was that it took place on a Tuesday morning, and was not fuelled by booze, but rather by greviances between rival traveller families.

Also in the news in a young man called John-Joe Joyce who is boxing for Ireland at the Olympics. He one of Ireland's brightest hopes for a medal at a games where we don't really have much hope at all. To win the gold, he will have to punch four more men repeatedly in the head and face, aiming to knock them out without getting knocked out himself. Sounds like unmissable entertainment to me.

Might just hide in my bedroom when I'm back in this delightful town in two weeks time.

Then:

1. The Polish music is so, so loud.

2. I really need to sleep but the only way I will get to do that is by calling the police on the bar downstairs, and I'm not going to do that.

3. I am in SUCH a better place in my life than I was when I did my other two 100 things in February.

4. I spent about two hours today looking for a white t-shirt so I can tie-dye it on camp next week.

5. The three beers that I drank tonight were my first in a week

6. That's pretty good for me

7. I washed my wallet today because is stank really really badly

8. I keep all my cinema stubs

9. I very often pay into the cinema for one film, but stay for two, sometimes three films

10. I prefer to go to the cinema alone

11. I have only walked out of one film ever - The Producers

12. I wanted to walk out of Lady In The Water but there were too many people around me

13. I fully expect to duplicate a lot of what I wrote in my other two 100 things, can't remember what I wrote any more

14. I am sad that it is August, that means the summer is almost over

15. I am very annoyed that I spend a month of my summer crippled

16. I used to read a lot, LOT more than I do now

17. When I have spare time now, I spend it doing things that are mostly not very constructive

18. People in the gym scare me

19. I'd like to get a tatoo but I am afraid to in case Rampage forty years from now resents my youthful lack of foresight

20. People would probably consider me a clean freak, even though my surroundings are usually mildly cluttered

21. I act as though I understand when people lose things - I really don't though

22. A very, very important friend of mine is leaving Berlin in a month

23. This will be the fifth time that a very important person has left my Berlin life, for various reasons

24. I'm getting used to it, and that is bad

25. My computer is playing music at its highest volume and it's still not enough to drown out the noise from below

26. I would have no problem being with someone who has a partner

27. I would never cheat on a partner

28. I hope I never care about anyone as much as I cared about my ex

29. I have had no contact with her for five months but I still think about her for a large proportion of every day

30. This no longer causes extreme sadness

31. I used to bite my nails as a kid, I stopped when I read somewhere that the amount of germs you ingest is akin to licking the inside of a toilet bowl

32. I cannot understand how people can want to do something but not be able to do it - giving up smoking, for example

33. I abhor indecisiveness

34. When in a group of people, I dislike that I often end up making a decision for the whole group

35. I rarely listen to song lyrics

36. I like music that sounds nice, nothing more

37. I can't sing and I can't dance

38. Sex in a foreign language is quite difficult

39. I want an iPhone but can't justify the cost

40. I really like that you get 8c for evey beer bottle that you bring back to the supermarket in Germany

41. I refuse to make shopping lists, I believe my brainpower to be sufficient to remember the things I need

42. I usually forget at least one thing when I go shopping

43. I prefer Aldi to Lidl, and there is absolutely no reason for this

44. I really enjoyed judging the Summer Writing Competition, and really hope that there is an Autunm one

45. When I was at university in Italy, I got a student card that has no expiry date on it

46. I expect to use it for ever

47. I have €1.70 in my pocket at the moment

48. I put all my copper change in a jar

49. I like that in Finland they don't use the ridiculous 1c and 2c coins

50. Forrest Gump is funny, but I haven't seen it for years

51. I like the feeling I get when I know that someone is relying on me and needs me

52. This extends to dogs

53. I'm very unlikely to do something I don't want to do purely out of politeness

54. My biggest pet hate is incorrect usage of stative verbs in a continuous tense - the McDonald's catchphrase 'I'm lovin' it' is grammatically incorrect

55. I think it would be difficult for me to ever live in an English-speaking country again

56. I love language barriers

57. I am fearsomely stubborn, but in an argument with someone clearly weaker than I am, I usually back down

58. Out of rage, I have smashed at least two mice playing Championship Manager

59. I don't play it any more

60. I think golf is stupid

61. I think basketball is even more stupid

62. I think there is a really good reason for pigeons, I just don't know what it is yet

63. I got new tyres and new vavles for my bike during the week and it's running like a dream

64. That said, the pedal fell off the next day

65. I've had my complete CD collection stolen twice

66. I never buy CDs any more

67. I'm a little bit scared of the dark

68. I really love translating

69. It frustrates me that people don't appreciate how difficult it is

70. I'm ashamed of how often I log in to facebook

71. The facebook scrabble is FUCKING SHIT, and Row knows it

72. Given the chance, there's not a single thing about myself that I would change

73. I had a past life as a Florentine merchant during the Renaissance, explaining my obsession with Italy

74. I sometimes worry that I might love Italy more than I love Ireland

75. The first time a girl told me she loved me was on a rainy Tuesday night in February outside the library in university in Galway

76. It never crossed my mind, not for a second, to say it back

77. The first time I told a girl I loved her was in our living room in Berlin in January 2007.

78. It was the most difficult thing I have ever said. (She said it back, for the record )

79. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, HOW FUCKING LOUD CAN THAT FUCKING NOISE BE!!!

80. I once watched Brokeback Mountain with a girl who jumped me when they sex scene started

81. I have never voted in my life

82. I cycle much more recklessly now that I have a bike helmet

83. I sometimes take a dislike to people for no real reason, and there is little that can be done to change this opinion

84. I moved apartment in April but there are still some things that I haven't unpacked

85. I am exceptionally excited about the Galway blogmeet, it will be strange being a guest in a place that I know so well

86. I think Flann O'Brien is one of the greatest geniuses ever

87. I refer to my two Irish friends in Berlin as 'The Micks'

88. I can't understand why people show me their feet when they find out that I hate feet, or eat cucumbers in front of me when they know it repulses me

89. Radiohead 'House of Cards' brings me very close to tears

90. I often wonder if my parents are proud of me

91. Northern Irish accents are really great

92. Spanish accents are annoying, but don't even get me started on French

93. When I was on crutches, the kindness of some people really touched me

94. I find it hard to throw out cardboard boxes, I am always convinced that they'll come in useful sometime

95. I'm going on camp tomorrow and I haven't packed anything at all yet

96. I wrote something here that was word for word what I wrote in my second 100 things

97. I know how incredibly lucky I am to be able to live the life I lead

98. I have a thing for girls with brown eyes

99. I am wearing light blue boxers

100. I'm off to call the police.