You may have noticed from my post below that I am currently sporting a little beardy-type beard thing.

There's a problem though.

The hair on the left side of my face grows noticably faster than that on the right.

I can't think of any logical reason for this. The best that I can come up with is that I sleep on my left side, so while I'm asleep the left stubble doesn't have to battle against gravity like the right stubble.

Also, I have never met a less hairy male than me. I have three hairs on my left nipple and five on my right. There are a couple of rogue hairs on my left shoulder, and that's it. A slighlty blubberly Irish pale chest is what I have. Which is good though. Hairy chests are nasty.

All this is leading me to think I should just shave the 'beard' off.

But I really really want to be like Mr Twit, from The Twits, by Roald Dahl (if you haven't read this, you must. It's the greatest children's book ever written). Mr Twit, when he was hungry, could just stick his tongue out and fish around in his beard for some food that got caught in there during his last meals. Genius!