This day two years ago I landed in Berlin for the first time, not knowing that it was going to change me utterly. If I did, I probably would have been too frightened to come.
Back then, I was fresh out of university and just aching to get out of Ireland, anywhere would do. I was naive and innocent, not really aware of how tough real life could be, thanks to the warm cocoon of university life and parental support.
At first I was absolutely focussed on short-term goals, content with having enough to eat on a day-to-day basis, and if I happened to scrape enough together to pay my rent, all the better.
I was revolting against everything that I had hated about my university time, the pressure to succeed, to get on the career ladder, to start thinking about houses, cars...all the things that, as far as I'm concerned, people think they need but actually don't.
Everyone at home was worried about me. Flushing my life down the toilet, I was. So much talent, they told me, so little desire to use it. Fuck them. I was doing what I wanted. I was, I suppose, happy. Waking up disgracefully hungover at 1pm, peeling myself out of bed to give a few hours English lessons, setting about making tomorrow's hangover.
I slowly tired of that. I got a proper job, a bit more security, fell wildly in love for the first time in my life. Then I knew I was happy. I started working more, proper teaching jobs, no fucking around. I had money to spend, it was good. I had a girl I would have done anything for. All of a sudden the disapproval from the island began to melt. Job, money, girl, that's all it took.
I've lost my girl since then, but I recently moved into my own place which I am furnishing and making my own with all my spare time and effort. It seems to be putting a hardly-deserved shine of respectablity on my life here. Sometimes I think I'm stubbornly staying here just to show everyone that they were fucking wrong. I love it when I have visitors from home who marvel at the fact that I have an 'enormous' apartment all to myself, despite, in their eyes, being something of a waster. They know that despite their great jobs, they can't have the same - it's just not possible where they live.
I'm probably still naive and innocent. I'm still a short-term goal kinda guy, just a bit more responsible now. I feel that I'm here to find out what exactly it is that I can offer the world. When I figure it out, y'all better watch out for me. In the meantime, Berlin will continue to astound me, fill me with the most incredible highs and lows, show me just how wonderful people can be, but most of all, let me lead the life I want to lead.
